In this dogfight of a life we live, we fall. We stand up and walk, but eventually we fall again.
In the legendary films of Rocky in a monologue he says “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you’re hit. It’s about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward.” This is so prevalent today and all too often when the punches start to come in we start looking towards anything and everything to help us or you’re like me and you start to do anything to keep your mind off of the problems with life. We find bliss in the ignorance that if we ignore a problem it will go away. Where we can live in a world where we can look at something destroying us and try to shrug it off hoping that if we shrug enough times we’ll escape it. Life doesn’t take the hint though.
In a battle of lust I had believed I had victorious evaded the problem so many others couldn’t. My new pure heart kept me in perfect harmony and bliss for what seemed a lifetime. My old habits had died suddenly and my new ones took over. I thought the war was won forever, until life threw me a curve ball that I forgot to catch. My thoughts went south as did my attitude and suddenly I felt a haunting erie feeling that felt all too real.
As I saw my old life trying to creep in I saw a part of me start to neglect the love of those around me and of my Savior. I became low and I began to withdraw myself from life and begin to fight my demons in my closet one-on-one. Night after night I prayed seeking Christ and hoping that in the morning things would be different and my fleshly desires would retreat and my godly intentions would shine through. They didn’t. Day after day I would go through routine of pursuing my fleshly desires while neglecting God.
While I never fully faltered to my flesh, I began to start to hover and try to get as close as I could without going over so that my guilt wouldn’t consume me. Which is the exact same way I was with Christ, keeping my distances getting close but never fully looking towards Him through this period of struggle. I became complacent with my sin. I became growing frustrated with myself and why I was the way that I was. I had developed this illusion that living for Christ and loving Christ meant not that my life would be easy but that I would not struggle. How could I? Everything I do is for Christ and His love is all I need? How can I struggle when I have His blood covering me?
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that they testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it’s work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4
I read that twice tonight. I’m falling, I’m struggling, and what do I have or what should I have? Pure joy. Pure joy because through this trial I’m developing perseverance. Which is especially good because right now I am not complete and I am lacking a lot. What am I lacking? Truth be told, I’m not sure, only Christ knows and I’m okay with that. I know that through this hard time that I will overcome because no matter where I’m at in my life or in my faith, Jesus is always with me and the war has already been won.
We face problems every day of our lives of all times: past problems coming back to haunt us, addictions, resentment, bitterness, perfectionism, sexual abuse, physical abuse, basic needs, death, bullying, poverty, impurity, relationship conflict, the list is endless. We struggle with these problems every day of our lives. While they aren’t suppose to define who we are, many times they consume our identity and block our relationship with Christ. They don’t have too though. Christ died for us so that we could be free from them. Through these problems though and all problems good will come out of it, because every problem is an opportunity for growth. Growth in character, growth in relation to Christ, growth in dependency to Christ, they all lead to our perseverance of them. We need perseverance, it’s vital to who we are because as we grow we’re able to mature and see life and the events of life in a new light. In a light of what Christ has done for us and how sometimes the hardest times were the times where we closest to Him. It’s through developing perseverance that we are able to grow and mature and when that happens is when we can start to fill in the pieces that we are lacking in.
I don’t know why I’m struggling, I don’t know how long I’ll struggle, but I will find joy in it. I’ll find joy in not battling the demons of my closet and instead opening the door so Christ can do work. I’ll find joy in the hardship knowing that when I weather the storm I’ll walk away a better person and a closer more dependent person to Christ. I’ll find joy in the lessons I learn and in people it allows me to connect with. I’ll find joy in perseverance knowing that Garret today is lacking something that Garret tomorrow won’t. I’ll find joy in nothing more than the love and grace of Christ. I’ll find joy in growing more depend on Him and seeking Him out. I’ll find joy in the trials.
“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.” James 1:12
I’ll find joy in looking back knowing it was worth it. That the war is won, that no matter how much I fall Christ will always love me and pick me up. I’ll find joy in letting Christ win the battle for me so that I can receive the crown of life that He died to give me. God is good, even when the demons in your closets are trying to tear you down. Seek the Lord and find joy in knowing it will all be worth it in the end.
gsehlers 